Always Moving Forward
I decided to do the whole blog thing as a result of my original post, "Saying Goodbye". It was a Facebook post that was written after a visit to the hospital to see my grandfather right before he passed away. I wrote the post with two purposes in mind. First, it was a tribute to my grandfather, as a way to honor him, and to teach my friends a little about him and who he was. And secondly, to help me get through the difficult time of his passing. And honestly, it was a tremendous help for me to be able to get my feelings out there and not keep them bottled up inside, or to let them out in an unhealthy or negative way. In that sense, it was an unbelievable success.
What I did not realize was how it was going to affect so many of those who actually took the time to read my post, and how it did so in such positive ways. I received so many text messages, phone calls, and private messages on Facebook, as well as the comments and "Likes" that were added to my original post, that it helped me tremendously in dealing with my grief.
Life is full of struggles and hardships, and it seems that I am always trying to find a way to work through one thing or another. Life is never as easy as it should be, and in my case, as in so many others, is never as easy as it appears. I've always entertained the idea of putting my thoughts and feelings out there to help me deal with these issues, but I've been tentative because of the vulnerability of it all. It's always seemed to require more courage than I thought I had. I come across as so confident, even cocky and arrogant at times, but the truth is that I deal with insecurities just as much as the next guy.
But I've always wanted to change that, and I've always wanted to continue to grow. Coming up through life, especially after my college years, I tended to surround myself with posers, and some absolutely horrible influences on my life. Sure, there was a sprinkling of positive influences mixed in here and there, but for the most part the lifestyle that I chose didn't really include the type of people that want to see you grow. Mostly, they just wanted to hold you back with them, the whole "misery loves company" bit. So, instead of growing, I essentially spent the next 10-12 years of my life continuously taking steps back.
But that lifestyle was never for me, and deep down I always knew. When I think of the way that I was living my life... drinking, drugs, dating one woman after another, and dead-end jobs... I knew that wasn't what was meant for me. I have always given the credit to my mom for a great upbringing for making me see at that time that the man that I was wasn't the man I was meant to be.
So, I began to seek out more positive relationships with people that could help me to get to where I wanted to be and that could be more positive influences on my life. I began to make some serious changes to my life and the way that I live it, and also to who and what was important to me. I quit the drugs, I cut way back on the drinking and the going out all the time, went back to school, and actually had some meaningful dating relationships that taught me what it meant to have someone truly special in my life.
But even then, during that next ten years of my life, blogging my dealings and feelings scared me because of the fear of what everyone else from my past would say.
But I kept at it, kept surrouding myself with "real" positive influences, and eventually went through a "eliminate the negatives" phase that brought me completely out of that earlier life. And although it's taken a very long time, I've finally come to a place in life where I now realize that those earlier influences no longer matter. They never really did, but it's all about perspective, and my perspective has changed.
So, I've been wanting to start this process for a long time but have been continuously putting it off, which immediately tells me that it must be a good idea. It's just that it's not easy to expose yourself and to truly put yourself out there to the ridicule of those that are afraid of such an endeavor. I already know the posers will laugh at this and call me soft. And there are those who will judge me for the words that I put in my posts. But they no longer bother me. Those are the individuals who I have grown tired of trying to please and to be accepted by. Those are the people that truly don't get it, and don't matter. Trying to please those people is never going to make me truly happy.
I go into this understanding that this won't always be easy for me. And if you do happen to stumble upon this, please take that into consideration. I am not a writer. I'm not a counselor or a preacher or an expert on just about anything. I am just a normal guy with normal problems and normal feelings. The only difference is that I've decided to put it out there and to try to grow and become a better person from it all, maybe learn a little about myself and become a little happier along the way.
Now, with all of that being said, I have no delusions of grandoise that anyone will actually read this blog, or that I'm actually capable of helping myself, much less anyone else. But, with the success that the original post had in working for me in helping me deal with a painful situation, and the relief I had with actually getting my feelings out there, I do hope this process helps me to learn from it all and deal with it in a healthier manner. If nothing else comes of this, that will be enough.
What I did not realize was how it was going to affect so many of those who actually took the time to read my post, and how it did so in such positive ways. I received so many text messages, phone calls, and private messages on Facebook, as well as the comments and "Likes" that were added to my original post, that it helped me tremendously in dealing with my grief.
Life is full of struggles and hardships, and it seems that I am always trying to find a way to work through one thing or another. Life is never as easy as it should be, and in my case, as in so many others, is never as easy as it appears. I've always entertained the idea of putting my thoughts and feelings out there to help me deal with these issues, but I've been tentative because of the vulnerability of it all. It's always seemed to require more courage than I thought I had. I come across as so confident, even cocky and arrogant at times, but the truth is that I deal with insecurities just as much as the next guy.
But I've always wanted to change that, and I've always wanted to continue to grow. Coming up through life, especially after my college years, I tended to surround myself with posers, and some absolutely horrible influences on my life. Sure, there was a sprinkling of positive influences mixed in here and there, but for the most part the lifestyle that I chose didn't really include the type of people that want to see you grow. Mostly, they just wanted to hold you back with them, the whole "misery loves company" bit. So, instead of growing, I essentially spent the next 10-12 years of my life continuously taking steps back.
But that lifestyle was never for me, and deep down I always knew. When I think of the way that I was living my life... drinking, drugs, dating one woman after another, and dead-end jobs... I knew that wasn't what was meant for me. I have always given the credit to my mom for a great upbringing for making me see at that time that the man that I was wasn't the man I was meant to be.
So, I began to seek out more positive relationships with people that could help me to get to where I wanted to be and that could be more positive influences on my life. I began to make some serious changes to my life and the way that I live it, and also to who and what was important to me. I quit the drugs, I cut way back on the drinking and the going out all the time, went back to school, and actually had some meaningful dating relationships that taught me what it meant to have someone truly special in my life.
But even then, during that next ten years of my life, blogging my dealings and feelings scared me because of the fear of what everyone else from my past would say.
But I kept at it, kept surrouding myself with "real" positive influences, and eventually went through a "eliminate the negatives" phase that brought me completely out of that earlier life. And although it's taken a very long time, I've finally come to a place in life where I now realize that those earlier influences no longer matter. They never really did, but it's all about perspective, and my perspective has changed.
So, I've been wanting to start this process for a long time but have been continuously putting it off, which immediately tells me that it must be a good idea. It's just that it's not easy to expose yourself and to truly put yourself out there to the ridicule of those that are afraid of such an endeavor. I already know the posers will laugh at this and call me soft. And there are those who will judge me for the words that I put in my posts. But they no longer bother me. Those are the individuals who I have grown tired of trying to please and to be accepted by. Those are the people that truly don't get it, and don't matter. Trying to please those people is never going to make me truly happy.
I go into this understanding that this won't always be easy for me. And if you do happen to stumble upon this, please take that into consideration. I am not a writer. I'm not a counselor or a preacher or an expert on just about anything. I am just a normal guy with normal problems and normal feelings. The only difference is that I've decided to put it out there and to try to grow and become a better person from it all, maybe learn a little about myself and become a little happier along the way.
Now, with all of that being said, I have no delusions of grandoise that anyone will actually read this blog, or that I'm actually capable of helping myself, much less anyone else. But, with the success that the original post had in working for me in helping me deal with a painful situation, and the relief I had with actually getting my feelings out there, I do hope this process helps me to learn from it all and deal with it in a healthier manner. If nothing else comes of this, that will be enough.